If your searching for this, chances are you’re looking for new friends. In this guide we’ll show you some examples which could help you make new friends as an introvert.
We often find there’s a lot of suggestions that are meant for the more social type of person. We made sure to add suggestions that could be used by different kind of personalities and people. Let’s get to it!
Step 1 Analyse your own personality
When looking on how to make new friends as an introvert it’s important to know yourself. To help you with this we made a list of personality traits that could help you with this, as it sometimes could be quite difficult to come up with this on your own.
If you want to do this by answering questions, we recommend you to take the Big Five Personality Test. This is a free basic report. Personality traits to score yourself on could be:
Write down the traits which resonate with you the most. This will give a pretty good image on how you are like a person. Now you did this it’s time to look at what you’re looking for in a new friend.
Step 2 Determine what you’re looking for in a new friendship as an introvert
Besides looking at yourself, it’s important to think about what you’re looking for in a friend. This one’s all yours to think about. Determine if you want to keep in touch all the time or only when you want to hang out.
Think about your hobby’s and things you like to do for fun (with them) and think of what you would like to talk about (including feelings, when comfortable).
Step 3 Decide on where or how you want to meet new people
This is where a lot of people get in trouble. Where do I meet these people without having to drain myself with all these attempts and meetups? Ideal would be some place/event where the activity is not based on heavy interaction.
To help you with finding your ideal way to make new friends as an introvert we put together a small list of painless ways to meet and make new friends as an introvert:
1. Join a sport or activity club
When joining a sport or activity club there’s often a certain ambiance. You can talk about the sport and slowly look if other people in the club have the same interests by asking a non-sport related question in a conversation.
2. Join a Toastmaster club
Toastmaster is a public speaking club. Besides this being a place to improve on communication and confidence you can meet a lot of people with the same fear or who are uncomfortable in social situations. Here you can meet a variety of different kind of people. Give it a try!
3. Join a book club to make friends as an introvert
An Introvert is often a book person (I know I am). By joining a book club, you can meet other reading enthusiasts and see if there’s people you like. I recommend you look for book clubs that read books about topics you like and where the majority of attendees are the same age as you.
4. Join a Meetup
MeetUp.com is website that lists different kind of meetups and group activities of different interests. When considering something like this, we recommend you to take a look at the various events that are hosted around your city.
5. Walk your dog to meet people
Go to a dog park if there’s one in your neighborhood. Here you can meet new people and talk to people who start a conversation about your or their pet. Make sure you have a dog with you, otherwise it could look a little weird (just kidding).
6. Join a Facebook group about your hobby
It’s easier to talk with like-minded people and people who have the same interests as you. Joining a Facebook group about your hobby can make the conversations more natural and meaningful. It’s also less scary to invite some to lunch if you like them, because guess what? Chances are you’ll probably never face them in real life (compared to asking a colleague to lunch who you will see every day when he or she declines your offer.
7. Join a work-related club or group in your job field
This also has to do with joining something where people with similar interests come together. It makes it easier to make new friends and you can always leave if there isn’t anyone you would like to be friends with.
Step 3 Use these tips while trying to make new friends as an introvert
As an introvert it’s often more difficult to meet new people. That’s why we collected 6 tips to use when trying to make new friends as an introvert.
1. Ask more questions
By asking more questions you can focus on the other person doing most of the talking. Although this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t talk about yourself at all, it could help with talking to someone new. Ask interesting follow up questions and look for similar interest.
You can simply ask questions which start with What, Who, When, Where, Why and How. By doing this you’re giving the other person the opportunity to give opens answers instead of simple Yes and No answers.
2. Give it time to make a new friends
Meeting someone can be quite uncomfortable and awkward. Because of that we often don’t approach new people, with the fear of making a fool out of ourselves. We rather don’t talk to new people and feel safe, than talking to them with the possibility of making a new friend. If you look at it this way it sounds kind of weird:
Don’t talk to someone = don’t meet new people, but feel safe
Talk to someone = meet new people, feel a little uncomfortable, make new friend or never see them again if you don’t want to
When talking to someone you’ll notice that after a while it starts to feel more natural and comfortable. You’re focussing more on the conversation and less on all the thinking inside your head, which can be quite draining as well.
Finally, you will notice that over time, you’ll feel more comfortable around someone. The more you hang out with this person, the more comfortable you’ll feel.
3. Get uncomfortable to get more comfortable
As an introvert you could sometimes feel identical as someone with social anxiety. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) can help you get more comfortable around (new) people. The principles of CBT are:
- Actively try to get in situations that are uncomfortable, to get more comfortable over time
- Avoid safety behaviour, like: avoiding eye contact or taking a friend to a somewhat scary event/situation
- Write down what you think will happen and how you think you feel (beforehand)
- Write down what happened and how you felt (afterwards)
- Compare beforehand thoughts and feelings and afterward thought and feelings and make a new realistic assumption of what probably will happen in the same, but new situation
You can do this on your own without therapy of course. Just follow above principles.
4. Don’t rush it
Although it’s good to meet new people, we recommend you go slowly. Friendship takes time. Start with hanging out occasionally. When you feel more comfortable and up to it you can try to meet more often and see how that works out.
5. Don’t look for too may new friends at once
We understand that you want to make new friends as an introvert. As tip number 4 says it best: don’t rush it. Start with one or two. It’s easier to maintain and less draining.
It also helps with getting to know them better and feeling more comfortable. Would you rather have 5 sort of friends you barely know or 2 friends you can be yourself with? In this case it’s almost always quality over quantity.
6. Meet up on scheduled days and places
This way you’re less nervous about meeting up with your new friend. Because you know everything in advance you don’t have to think the situation through in your head all the time, which could be draining. This will make you feel more comfortable.
Step 4 Go out there!
It’s time to go out there and make new friends as an introvert! Follow the steps and tips to guide you through the process and to consult when feeling down or lost. Remember, it takes time, practice and energy to make new friends and you will have to put in some effort just like in any other situation or activity. Good luck and make some long-lasting friendships!
Did you like this guide? Share it on social media and help other introverts who are having a hard time making new friends! If you’re interested in developing yourself beyond making friends, we got a list of 18 of the Best Personal Development Books!